


Torrent

by wrongnote



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Character Death, Gen, Parental Maes Hughes, Parental Roy Mustang, Tragedy, oof
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2019-04-23 11:32:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14331552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wrongnote/pseuds/wrongnote
Summary: Roy hated being useless. He was supposed to protect those around him, and from the moment he had stared into those lifeless eyes, he knew he had failed. Canon Divergent AU. (Minor Parental!RoyEd)





	1. The Phone Call

Ed cracked his back and refocused his eyes, moving his book another inch closer to his face. It was far past midnight, yet he refused to return to the dorm until he got  _some_  sort of information. Frankly, he was driving himself mad searching for answers. **  
**

It had started immediately after he returned from the Fifth Lab, with the truth about Philosopher’s Stones lying heavy in the forefront of his mind. He hadn’t told Al, not yet at least. After their fight, Ed worried Al’s stress would skyrocket with the addition of anything else. Hopefully he and Winry were having a relaxing talk in their room, serving as a distraction from the week’s events.

Ed had decided to postpone their plans to visit Dublith. Besides the fact that their Teacher could be  _horrifying_  at any given moment, he needed to have  _some_ solace before continuing his quest.

If the Fifth Lab had prompted his suspicion, the revelation about Liore only furthered his need for the truth. He knew it was  _partially_  his fault, but there was just no way a community could jump from peace to war in such a short time span.

Ed hadn’t told anyone his doubts. As a member of the military, doing so would be suicide.

Out of desperation and his usual amount of recklessness, Ed holed himself away in Central Library, looking for military scandals of any form to assist in his quarry. So far, he was getting  _nowhere._

“Damn!” He slammed his book shut and rubbed his eyes again, groaning weakly in the back of his throat.

“Woah there kiddo, don’t wanna wake up all of Amestris now, do you?” Ed practically jumped out of his seat in surprise, toppling over under the gaze of Maes Hughes.

“What’d you do that for?!” He straightened himself back up, brushing off stray papers and books  that had fallen on top of him. Lieutenant Colonel Hughes was never very proper in his greetings, which also meant he had an apt ability for scaring the  _shit_  out of anyone who wasn’t prepared.

Hughes’ playful demeanor shifted, and he crouched down so only Ed would be able to hear him. “I came to ask you about something. Liore, to be more specific.”

Ed blinked. Now,  _that_  was unexpected. He’d expect Mustang to notice a correlation, but  _Hughes?_  “You noticed it too, right? The connection with circle I showed you…”

“Yes, and I think it can be traced back to even before Ishval.” Maes stiffened. “I admit I know next to nothing about alchemy, but hearing it from you just proves my suspicions.”

Ed sat up even straighter in his seat. If the military had been planning, even  _organizing_  these events… that would mean the entire government was corrupt. Ishval and the Homunculi, everything was connected from the inside. His throat tightened at the realization. Ever since he enlisted he had been  _contributing_  to their plans, causing who  _knows_  what just so they could accomplish their goals.

“Find me a map, I think there may be even more than we’re thinking.” Ed leapt from his chair and grabbed a pen, pushing everything off a nearby study table.

“I don’t know if it’s such a good idea for you to be involved in this, Ed. The wrong people could find out.” Hughes glanced around warily, eyeing the front doors with suspicion.

“So you just want me to ignore it?!”

“Of course not. For now, at least, you should leave this to me. Get back to Al and rest; you boys definitely need it.”

Ed crossed his arms in defiance and walked a step closer, standing his ground. “No. I got myself into this, and you already know I’ll find out one way or another, whether you help or not.” There was no way in  _hell_  he’d walk away from this now, even if he had to be dragged out by his ankles.

Hughes sighed, seemingly at a loss for how to respond, and Ed felt the relief wash over him.

“All right, but this is  _strictly_  confidential. I’d hate imagining what would happen to you if word got out that you were behind this.”

“Deal,” Ed nodded.

Hughes instantly left to fetch a map, and Ed settled himself in front of the table, trying his best to look discreet.  

This had something to do with Philosopher’s Stones, he knew it. With human souls as ingredients, it wasn’t far-fetched that the military would go to great lengths just to create them; sacrificing villages was just a stepping stone for them.

Ed shivered at the thought. He really wished Hughes would move faster.

As if hearing his thoughts, the Lieutenant Colonel returned with a table-sized map of Amestris and a tome of Amestrian history.

Ed stood on his tiptoes and surveyed the map, uncapping his pen and circling Liore. Hughes gave him a look and he knew he was defacing government property, but frankly, he didn’t give a damn.

“List off the other major military battles in Amestris, ones where a lot of people died,” he said, still focusing on the parchment. Amestris was a circle, and if what he was thinking was true, this would be  _very bad._

“There’s Pendleton and Fotset, and of course Ishval,” Hughes stared at the map as fervently as Ed, a look of understanding washing over his face as each city was circled. “South City, Wellesley, Fiske, and Cameron.” He looked back down at his book, checking the dates and locations of each military skirmish.

His theory was right. The cities were laid out in a circle, expanding across the entirety of Amestris.

“And the last one; Riviere.” Hughes’ voice was low enough to be a whisper. He saw it too. “The first known conflict, dating back to when Amestris was founded.”

Ed rapidly connected the circles, already knowing what they’d create. With one missing area in the North, it all matched up to the circle he saw in the Fifth Lab. The circle used for sacrifice.

 _“Shit…”_ Ed breathed, looking over and seeing Hughes as horrified as he was. Knowledge of alchemy wasn’t necessary to understand how  _horrible_  this revelation was. Not only were there planned battles in Amestris, but  _someone_ was planning on sacrificing  _the entire country._ With that many souls, the stone resulting from the transmutation would have power beyond his comprehension. The power of a god, most likely.

“I…I need to tell the Colonel.” Ed collected his things and moved for the door, not even bothering to wait for Hughes. He didn’t care  _how_  much of an ass Mustang was, this was beyond his control, and he needed _someone_  to know what the military was behind. The Colonel could very well be useless, but he was high enough up to make some sort of difference. The bastard wanted to be Fuhrer, after all.

“Wait, Ed!” Hughes called behind him, but he was too far out the door to turn back.

 

* * *

 

Maes gritted his teeth and watched as Ed ran out of the library.  _So much for not telling anyone,_  he thought.

He could hardly blame the boy, though. If he hadn’t left first, he would’ve called Roy immediately. They had just uncovered the most horrific secret was buried under years of military cover ups, and he had no clue what to do about it. How could he, when he didn’t even know who was responsible? No one person could have held onto such an intricate plan from Amestris’ initial foundation. This had been going on for  _centuries._

He couldn’t just stand there and gawk. Ed could be in danger, and there was no way he’d leave him running around the city so late at night.

Before he could move to chase after him, he was stopped by a woman. Though her appearance was ordinary, with a simple dress and shawl, her sneer proved otherwise. She had stepped out from the shadows as if she had been a part of them, covering any semblance of an exit he had left.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you, Lieutenant Colonel,” she warned, lifting a hand against him. He had never seen her before in his life, but beyond the extravagant exterior, he immediately noticed her tattoo. He vividly remembered Ed drawing the same symbol when recounting his time in the Fifth Lab, and he knew it meant nothing good. This woman was a homunculus.

“Nice tattoo,” he commented, drawing a knife from his belt. This was bad, very bad. If they had been heard, Ed could very well have been followed too. He had to get to him, and fast.

“That’s the last thing you say before dying? What a pity,” she tsked, fingers extending into long, thin claws.

Maes didn’t hesitate in throwing his knife, landing it directly between her eyes with a wet squelch. Almost instantaneously, he felt a sharp pang in his gut, like his breath had been stolen from him. Her fingers retracted before he could even look down, but he didn’t have to see the wound to know he was bleeding heavily.

His surroundings swirled before him and he caught himself on the nearby table.  _No,_  he  _would not_  let her take him down so easily.  _He had to get to Ed._  

Clutching his throbbing stomach, Maes stumbled out of the library, gripping the wall to stay upright. With every step he took, his vision blurred more, disorienting his motion so intensely he couldn’t even tell which way was up.

_But he had to get to Ed._

Maes stepped forward again, following the faint glow of the streetlight ahead of him. He could see the red outline of the phonebooth now, which meant he was so close.

Again, he forced his leg forward, groaning as he fell onto his side. Black spots dotted his vision until he couldn’t see a thing; limp hand dropping in defeat.

_He had to get to Ed._

 

* * *

 

Ed’s fingers trembled as he spun the dial of the telephone. What if it was too late? What if he wouldn’t be able to do anything?

He held his breath until the operator picked up, and made no haste in trying to advance his call.

“Connect me to Colonel Mustang at Central Headquarters, this is an emergency!” he could hear his own heartbeat in his ears as he waited for the operator to respond. Why was he so freaked out? It wasn’t as if he was being chased, yet there was a bad feeling he just couldn’t manage to shake off.

“Sir, this is a public line, we can’t connect you to the military unless you have a verified code.”

Ed cursed under his breath, trying to remember any portion of his emergency code. Of  _course_ he had left all his info in the room. Just  _perfect._

“I-I don’t have it! This is the Fullmetal Alchemist, and you  _need_  to connect me this instant! You can verify it later or even ask the Colonel yourself, I don’t care! Just  _connect me._ ” Perhaps it was the fear in his voice, or even his commanding tone, but without another word from the operator the phone began ringing.

“Colonel Mustang.”

Ed’s heart skipped a beat. “Colonel, you need to listen to me. The military, they’re-” his voice caught in his throat as he heard footsteps approach from behind. Clanking footsteps, to be exact.  _Just like armor._

He turned slowly, telephone still gripped tightly in his automail hand.

“Ed, what are you doing?”

“Al? Why are you out of the…” Ed’s voice trailed off as he looked over his brother. Maybe he was paranoid, but everything within him was screaming that this was  _not_  right.

“You’re not Al,” he snarled, dropping the phone in order to meet his hands together, forming a blade out of his automail.

“What are you talking about, brother? I think you need to get back and rest…” Al reached out to grab for him and Ed swung his arm back. This had to be one of those Homunculi… one of their tricks. He knew he must’ve been sounding crazy even to himself, but whenever Al was around, he could just  _feel_  the thrum of his soul. Ed was with him long enough to know that every mannerism, every dent and scratch, and every shift in body language told him this was _not_  his brother.

As Ed swung his blade forward “Al” glowed a brilliant red, morphing into the shape of none other than Winry Rockbell. She was crying again, quivering hands wrapped around the grip of a pistol that was directed straight at him.

His arm froze in place as if pulled by an invisible bond. Just what was this thing? How did it know about Winry? Ed stared into the barrel of the gun, not able to shift even an inch. It was as if he was frozen staring into those watery blue eyes; lost in the pain and the anguish.

There was a vast difference between slicing through metal and slicing through skin. He couldn’t do it. He just couldn’t.

Ed hated himself for hesitating. He couldn’t stand the idea of hurting even a  _cheap copy_  of her, with the way the tears flowed down her cheeks. How could he, knowing the real one would look the same way?

That hesitancy, however, proved to be a vital mistake.

Before he could even comprehend the situation, the bang of a gun pierced through the streets of Central.  

 

* * *

 

“Fullmetal? Fullmetal!” Roy shouted into his phone, knocking his chair to his feet as he stood. He had been trying to tell him something, something important, and then...  

A gunshot. He knew that sound anywhere.

“Fullmetal! Answer me!” He heard a harsh thump, like a body hitting the ground.

What was going on?! He had clearly heard the voice of Alphonse, and something that sounded faintly like a girl weeping.  _Why wouldn’t Ed answer the damn phone?!_

“C-Colonel.” Oh god. He had been shot, Roy could tell by his voice.

“Fullmetal, Ed, I’m coming, _just hang on.”_  Roy scrambled to leave the office, papers flying to the the ground behind him. He had to find Riza, or  _anyone_  that would be able to help.

“No! Wait…” he heard heavy breathing, enough that indicated the wound was bad, if not fatal. “You need to stop them, Colonel. Find Hughes, do  _something.”_  Hughes? What did Hughes have to do with this? Had he been hurt too?

Roy swallowed the lump in his throat and ignored the stinging in his eyes. He would  _not_  let one of his own die, especially not Ed. He had so much left to accomplish, so many more left to save. What would Al do without his brother?

“Listen to me Ed, you need to keep breathing, okay? Put pressure on the wound, and whatever you do,  _do not_  close your eyes.” Roy switched his tone to the one he often used to lower ranking officers, it was the only way he’d be able to remain calm in such a situation.

_Just don’t think about it, he’ll be fine… he’ll be fine…_

“Dammit Colonel, you’re not… listening to me! You…  _need_  to find H-Hughes.” Ed’s breathing was getting heavier by the second, and Roy could hear him straining to plug his wound. With every break he took in his sentences, Roy’s panic increased further.

“I will, I will, I  _promise_  you, Fullmetal. This is more important right now, I just need you to  _stay with me,”_  Roy commanded, probably using more force than necessary. How had he let this happen? Wasn’t he supposed to protect his subordinates? “Tell me where you are, Fullmetal. I’m sending help.”

“The p-phone booth next to the library,” Ed said, voice cracking towards the end. “Hughes is still there I think…”

Roy dropped his phone onto his desk as he ran into the main portion of the office. He had to send someone, and fast.

Luckily for him, Riza was standing right by, a concerned look on her face. She must’ve heard the yelling, he figured.

“Lieutenant, I need you to send an ambulance to the phonebooth by Central Library as fast as you can.” He knew she could read the panic in his expression, as she quickly moved to confirm his hysteria.

“Is everything all right, Colonel?”  

“Just  _go!”_

She nodded, and Roy was back to the phone before she had even left the office.

“Fullmetal, are you still with me?” he asked, unable to hide the fear in his voice. He was supposed to be the strong figure for Ed, hiding trepidations to give him support through his missions. Fine job he was doing now, doing nothing to better the situation for either of them.

There was a long silence on the other end of the line and Roy held his breath, assuming the worst.

“I’m scared, Colonel.”

Roy’s eyes widened. This wasn’t right, in no world would this  _ever_  be right. Ed was  _not_  supposed to be scared.

Ed broke the silence. “What am I supposed to do… about Al? He’ll be all alone…”

“You listen to me  _now,_  Fullmetal.” Roy hid his past concerns and focused on only one thing. “You are not about to die, so quit talking like it. You’ve gotten through worse before, and I expect the same right now.” Roy didn’t know if he was just saying all these things to make himself feel better, but it didn’t matter. He could  _not_  let his mind spiral, not yet. Ed still needed him, and for every second he heard the boy breathing, he grasped at the hope it provided. Another breath meant he was still trying his best to hold on, and for the moment, that was all Ed could do.

Roy desperately listened for more breaths.

What he hadn’t been expecting was a fit of chuckles. “Stop kidding yourself, bastard. We both know I’m not… making it out of this. I just… really don’t want to die. Not yet, at least. Not before… Al,” Ed struggled for his breathing again, and Roy could hear him break into a coughing fit. The coughs were wet and deep, reminiscent of Roy’s time on the battlefield. It was blood.

He recalled holding soldiers as they gave their last breath, and the similarity between past and present left fear settling deep in his gut.

Before Roy could reassure, because  _he had no idea how to comfort him at a time like this,_  Ed continued where he left off. “Just watch over him for me… okay? That’s all… I want…”

“Of course, of course,” Roy’s voice caught in his throat. Why didn’t he hear any breathing?  “Fullmetal? Are you with me? Ed!” He desperately listened for any noise that would indicate Ed was still alive, anything to know that his spark hadn’t faded.

 _“Edward! ANSWER ME!”_ There was no way… no way he could have died. There was no way the Fullmetal Alchemist could be taken down by something as simple as a bullet.

Roy dropped the phone once more and dashed out the door. He wouldn’t stall any longer. Ed needed him.


	2. The Broken Bond

“Ugh, that sounds just like brother!” Al complained against Winry’s laughter, filling the silence of the quaint hotel room. **  
**

“He really doesn’t think sometimes, does he?” Winry chuckled, wiping tears from her eyes. Perhaps it was inconsiderate, but they had been sharing old childhood stories all night, and somehow they always escalated right back to Ed’s  _questionable_  choices on their adventures.

It was Ed’s own fault he wasn’t around, after all. Al had demanded he just stay inside for  _one night,_  but as usual, Ed insisted he go out to study; no doubt researching the stone again.

With every time he saw the dark circles under his brother’s eyes, Al felt increasingly guilty. Sure, he and Winry loved to tell funny stories about him and joke around, but they were both concerned about his well-being. Ed hid far too much, thinking he was selfish to involve others in his problems.

Al knew better. Ed dug himself into holes more often than not, falling into depressive spirals when he got hit with a dead end. He never spoke about it, no more than few words when they sat alone during the dreadful hours of the night. Ed would apologize again and again for something Al knew he was just as responsible for, and it made his soul ache every time.

Ed had injured himself  _again_  in the Fifth Lab, reckless behavior overpowering his logic. If there was a way for Al to burden that pain, at least take  _some_  of it away, he would.  Ed suffered far too much just to help him, and after years of trying, Al felt more and more hopeless.

Al pushed aside his feelings. Now was no time to dwell on his darker thoughts, not while Winry was here. He hardly got to see her anymore, so every minute they spent together was precious.

“That reminds me of one mission where-” Al’s train of thought was halted right away when he felt it. He wasn’t quite sure  _what_  he was feeling, but out of nowhere, he had felt a  _tug._

It horrified him.

“Al, what’s wrong?” Winry had picked up on his silence, but Al was far too preoccupied with the sensation running through his entire being.

For the first time in years, Al could  _feel._

This wasn’t the sensation he had imagined, though. It was as far from a pleasant feeling as he could fathom. This tug was like a punch to the stomach, perhaps more akin to a knife. It was as if a part of him, his  _soul,_  had been snapped away from whatever was holding it in place, leaving him empty and lost.

He was still in the armor, of course, but all of a sudden it felt more hollow than it ever had.

“Al, come on. What is it?”

He couldn’t find the strength to answer her. Something was terribly wrong; Al could sense it from every direction.

A piece of him, something crucial, had been forcefully ripped away, and all of Al’s thoughts were suddenly drawn to Ed.

“I-I have to go find brother,” he stumbled out, standing so quickly the couch creaked and shifted to the side.

Winry’s eyebrows creased together in worry as she let him pass, her hands wringing together as she watched him go. “Be careful, Al!” he heard her say from behind him.

Al ran faster than he ever had, praying that his brother was okay.

 

* * *

The body still had some warmth to it, Roy noticed. Almost like it was still alive.

He couldn’t think, he couldn’t feel. He could only see what was ahead of him, and _god,_  there was so much blood.

Too much blood.

He was too late. He was  _too late_  and this entire thing was  _his fault._

Edward Elric had been pronounced dead two minutes before he arrived.

He remembered it happening in slow motion, running toward the phone booth only to be met with the red and blue lights of an ambulance and the yellow crime tape.

Riza hadn’t said a word since he arrived, choosing instead to bite her lip and silently blink away her tears. She was far from stoic, though; her eyes held an anger that he had only seen once before. They burned with a cruel mixture of fury and grief, glazed over by a sadness often worn by parents who had lost a child.

Roy still hadn’t gotten over the shock. His chest painfully constricted as he stared down at his youngest subordinate, lifeless and unmoving. He had seen his share of corpses, yet this one left such vile horror within him that he was surprised he hadn’t vomited on the spot.

He vaguely recalled screaming at the paramedics to revive him, to do  _something_  other than stand around like they were discussing the weather. Did they not understand what had happened? Did they not know that one of the strongest, bravest people in all of Amestris was now lying dead on the sidewalk?

It wasn’t right, none of it was. The fact that his eyes were still open, perhaps, or the bloody handprint streaked down the glass window. The phone swung back and forth like a metronome, again and again in a steady rhythm. Roy watched it as it moved from side to side, muffled voices ringing in his ears.

Was it wrong that he wanted to approach him, shake him,  _something_  just to see if he would respond? Fullmetal would call him a bastard and insist that he was fine; he’d try to leave the hospital early and drive the staff crazy, or maybe even request time off in Resembool. He had to, because that’s what happened  _every time._

Roy tore his eyes away from the body when he couldn’t stand to look any longer. In the distance he could see the paramedics lifting Maes onto a stretcher, and  _god, not him too. Not Maes too…_

They had put an oxygen mask on him, so  _surely_  he was okay, he had to be.

He turned his head when he heard a heart-wrenching scream, haunting enough to dwell in his nightmares for weeks after. Alphonse had arrived, he didn’t know how, or when, but suddenly he was there and he was crying out for his dead brother.

Roy had hoped for years that he would never hear a sound so terrible coming from someone so young, so innocent. He watched as Riza held him back, gripping his wrists with enough strength to send an ordinary man to the ground. 

Roy tried to keep his legs from buckling, listening to Al’s yells from behind him as he stared into Ed’s hollow eyes. Perhaps if he stared long enough, the light would return to them with the same spark it had four years ago.

“He’s gone, Alphonse,” Riza muttered, voice not strong enough to produce more sound.

Al was silent, trembling under Riza’s grip.

“No… no he’s not… I can save him! I can-”

“Al, please. Don’t.” Her voice must’ve been enough for him to stop, as a soft cry was all Roy heard from him. He could’ve sworn he had heard his own heart shatter in the process, too.

He hadn’t known Al had been able to cry until now, in that body, and the revelation left him reeling.

Whoever had caused this, whoever was responsible for ripping the life away from a boy who hardly had one to hang onto; they would pay. Roy would kill the monster who did this with his bare hands if he had to; he would hunt them down and he  _swore_  he’d make them feel every bit of agony he felt standing on that sidewalk.

Roy would kill, and he would get the revenge Edward deserved.  

 

* * *

When Maes was finally conscious enough to stay awake for more than a few seconds, he couldn’t remember what he had been doing. In fact, he was dully surprised when he realized he was in a hospital.

His stomach  _hurt,_  a sharp pang that indicated he was injured. Badly injured, at that.

He covered his eyes with his arm and settled into the cool feeling of skin against skin, giving his brain a moment to process how he had gotten here at all. Hadn’t he been at the library? Maes remembered being upset about missing Elicia’s bedtime routine again, and almost let himself smile at the image of her cute little face-  _no. He had to focus._

The library. He was upset about something… something about the military. Right.  _The transmutation circle._ Ed had been there too, he remembered, and…  _god. Ed._

 _What had happened to Ed?_  Hadn’t he been the one responsible for him? The homunculus woman had been there, which meant Ed had been in trouble too.

The realization hit him with more force than the blow that landed him in the hospital.  _He hadn’t made it in time._

Right as the worry and panic began to gnaw away at him, Roy entered the room looking worse than he had in years.

“Oh. You’re awake.”

Maes looked him over once, then twice. His hair was disheveled, eyes hidden under a shadow and rimmed with puffy blackness. He hadn’t looked this terrible since the Ishvalan War, and that was saying something. Beyond the guilty and haunted look he often wore back then, now he looked…  _defeated._

“What’s going on, Roy? Where’s Ed?” he asked cautiously, regretting it almost immediately. The look Roy gave the tiled floor was enough of a sign.

Maes wanted to deny it. He wanted to come up with excuses and reasons and explanations of why this couldn’t be real.

But he just couldn’t. Roy’s eyes said it enough.

“Roy…”

“He’s dead, Maes. Since last night.” Roy’s voice was devoid of any emotion, monotonous to the point that Maes wondered if he was still human.

He froze and stared at the cracked plaster on the wall. He stared so he wouldn’t have to look at Roy, so he wouldn’t have to feel the crippling weight of those words consume him.

Maes wondered if this was how it would feel if Elicia died. The emptiness overpowered the guilt, yet the two both managed to accumulate into the most painful sensation he’d felt in years. He had failed, and because of that, an innocent boy was dead. Killed, because of him. It was completely his fault and he knew it, nothing would be able to convince him otherwise.  

Roy seemed to think the same about himself. Maes let the silence speak for them, their grief like a heavy fog wafting throughout the room.

They stayed like that for several minutes, Maes wiping the sudden tears that began to fall. How had he let this happen?  _God…_ what did Ed ever do to deserve this?

He couldn’t stand the silence anymore and said the first thing that came to his mind. “How’s Al?”

Roy sighed and rubbed his face with his hands. “I don’t know. He hasn’t said a word since the crime scene. I haven’t even seen him.”

Maes cursed under his breath. This would hurt Al more than anyone else, and he couldn’t even fathom how the boy would manage without the one thing that gave him life. His only family left, his only hope towards having a body again, it was gone in a matter of minutes.

“What did I do to them, Maes? How could I… how could I have been heartless enough to put them in the military? What the  _fuck_  is wrong with me?!” Roy’s words startled Maes out of his thoughts, and he looked over to see that he was clutching his hair with his hands.

“They would’ve done it regardless Roy, you know that-”

“That doesn’t  _matter!”_  Roy shouted back.  _“I_  was the one who gave them an outlet,  _I_  was the one who didn’t watch over them enough! Just because you were with him that doesn’t mean you’re the one responsible, Maes. They’re under my care, and I was too  _damn_  selfish to take care of those boys when they needed it! I left them  _alone_  to fend for themselves, and look what happened! Fullmetal is  _dead_  because of me!”

Maes couldn’t think of a response. He couldn’t, because he knew that no matter what he said, Roy would be adamant about his role in the Elric brothers’ lives. In the same way Maes wouldn’t let go of his guilt, of his failed responsibility, Roy would blame himself until the day he died, just like with Ishval.

They had all contributed to Ed’s death; it was the bitter truth.

“I think it’s best if I go.” Roy lifted himself out of the bedside chair and was out the door before Maes could even consider stopping him.

The empty space in his room did nothing to ease his discomfort. He was alone with his thoughts; all the ways he could have saved Ed racing through his head. 

Maes closed his eyes and prayed he could go back to sleep.

 

* * *

It was after the seventh shot of whiskey that Roy forgot why was even drinking it in the first place. He had ended up on the floor of his office… somehow… and he let himself giggle at the fact that his coat had flipped itself upside down.

God… he must’ve looked  _terrible._  He laughed again and rested his head against the wall with a thump, causing more pain than he had expected.

He wiped at the tear streaks on his face that had gotten there  _somehow,_  and poured himself another shot.

That is, until he became aware of the knocking at his door. He wasn’t quite sure how long the knocking had been going on for, but it was becoming annoying enough that he felt the need to shut it up one way or another.

Roy stood with a grunt, trying to find meaning in the swirling mess in front of him. He took a tentative step forward and swayed to the side, catching himself on the nearest wall. Using his hand to follow along, he stumbled forward until he reached the source of the sound.

Roy opened the door with one hand and rubbed at his eyes with another, not prepared in the slightest for the person who stood on the other side.

“Al… Alphonse?” he slurred, unable to hide the fact that he was  _extremely_ intoxicated at the moment.

“Oh… I think I came at a bad time, I’ll just come back later…” Al’s voice was quieter than Roy could remember it being, and he wondered why he sounded so dismal. Maybe he wanted a drink too?

“Nah, you can stay for a bit!” Roy staggered backwards to make room for Al to get through.  _Had he always been that big?_

Al looked down and fumbled with something in his hands. “No, I really don’t think I should, Colonel. Sorry for bothering you.” Al began to turn away, hesitating as he looked back at the object in his hands. “I’ll just give this to you now. It’s from brother.”

Brother? Right… Al had a brother…

“I found it when I was going through our room, he’d made a will in advance and everything… I never would have guessed,” Al’s voice got quieter and Roy strained to hear it, still confused about what he was going on about.

“I think he wrote letters for us in case anything happened to him, b-but I don’t think I can read it any time soon,” Al muttered, holding the letter out to Roy.

He reached for the envelope and flipped it over, straining his eyes to read the text on the front.

**_Colonel Bastard_ **

God… he needed another drink.

Al shuffled quietly and Roy remembered he was still standing outside. “Take care of yourself, Colonel. I’ll see you at the funeral.”

And with that, Roy was alone. Again.

He tossed the letter on his desk for later, missing horribly but not caring enough to go back and pick it up. There was no way he’d be able to read it now, let alone comprehend it.

Roy collapsed back onto the ground, sliding the carpet out from beneath him. The half empty whiskey bottle rolled somewhere near his foot, and he reached towards it like it was a lifeline. He could not think about this again. He had to forget, at least for now,  _he had to._

The pain of his mistakes were slowly catching up with him; even while drunk he couldn’t seem to escape them.  

Roy would deal with it come morning, along with a wicked hangover. For now, he’d lay on the office floor, drowning in his sorrows and dreading the funeral to come. He poured himself another shot and tilted his head back, swallowing with a shudder as he waited for the alcohol to dim his senses even more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if any of you have questions!! When it comes to the plot, just assume the homunculi think Ed will be too much of a hassle in the long run and they can easily make another sacrifice. Nobody is getting framed because they're already distracted and torn apart enough as it is. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! :D


	3. The Letter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read and left kudos!! :D

The funeral was packed. Roy would be lying to say he expected it. Sure, his team was there along with Al, but there must’ve been at least a hundred people he’d never seen before in his life. Turns out the kid had affected more lives than Roy thought.

He deserved the crowd, in fact, he deserved all of Amestris to be there.

Some guests lingered in the background, giving their respect in silence, while others stood up front, the majority in military garb. Maes couldn’t make it. His injury was still too severe, and the hospital refused to let him leave even for this. It wasn’t fair that the man who had been with Ed in his last moments wouldn’t even be able to attend his service.

It was a full military funeral, and Roy scoffed at the thought. The kid  _hated_ the military, and sending him off as a soldier was just too cruel. He never should have been in the military in the first place, and as Roy watched Alphonse help carry the casket, an Amestrian flag on top, he was revolted to his core.

He could still feel the effects of the nasty hangover he’d had a couple days back, which did nothing to help the discomfort inside of him. Once he’d realized how he had spoken to Al, how _insensitive_  he had been to present himself  _wasted_  to the boy who had just lost his brother, Roy was more than disgusted with himself. Could he do anything without failing others?

Roy watched as the casket was placed in the neat hole that had been dug into the ground. They had travelled to Resembool for the occasion, because there was  _no possible way_  Al would’ve let Ed be separated from his mother. After everything they had done to try to see her again, it was only fair that he’d get to lie next to her in death.

That’s what bothered Roy the most. Everything had happened just because two boys wanted to see their mother again. They thought they had the power, so they did what they could. Hell, if Roy didn’t already know the effects of human transmutation, he’d be thinking about doing it this very second. It’d be a mockery, he knew, but the opportunity was  _there,_  and Ed  _shouldn’t have had to die so young._

He knew he could try, but he wouldn't. He wouldn’t destroy more lives just for the slim chance to bring one back. Roy couldn’t even imagine how Al must’ve been feeling, and he wouldn’t dare do that to him.

Roy focused on the service again, tearing his thoughts from the dark path they were spiraling down. The sky was overcast, shadowing the sun and everyone beneath it. It was almost fitting, with how Ed had been like a ray of light in the lives that needed it.

Roy flinched at the gunshots that rang across the hill. Though it was customary, firing the very thing that had killed Fullmetal only served as a bitter reminder.

Winry Rockbell stood to his right, letting tears fall silently as she clutched something in her hand. Had she gotten a letter too? She must’ve, with how close she had been to the brothers. After already losing her parents, losing Ed too must’ve been more agonizing for her than almost anyone else.

Gracia and Elicia were to his left, but he didn’t dare focus his attention on them. Elicia, as young as she was, had never experienced death. She was confused, Roy knew, and Gracia held her close in an attempt to cease her babbles.

“Mommy, why are they putting all that dirt on little big brother?” Her voice wasn’t sad, only curious. Her words silenced the rest of the crowd, and suddenly she was center of attention.

“They’re burying him, dear,” Gracia replied, voice quivering. Roy couldn’t fathom the pain she must’ve been feeling, the pain of losing someone that had been like another child to her.

Elicia’s cries were like a pierce to the heart, and Roy glimpsed Riza covering her eyes with her hand. “But he said he needed to help big little brother! He can’t help if they bury him!” Gracia lifted her daughter to her chest, yet she continued to yell. “Stop it! Stop burying little big brother!”

If it were possible for a suit of armor to shrink in on itself, that’s exactly what Alphonse did. He stood near the casket and bowed his head, soul straining against itself in an attempt to cry.

Roy let his hat shade his eyes and ignored the suffocating pressure of everyone mourning around him. How many of these people even knew Ed’s story? How many would know about his lifelong dedication to his brother, or his determined outlook on fixing everything wrong with the world?

How many would know how much of an annoying brat Fullmetal was when his height was insulted? Or his ability to destroy everything in his path without a bit of remorse? Did anyone know how stubborn to a fault he was? How his moral system was so strong that he wouldn’t dare kill, despite how much they deserved it?

These people could never know Edward Elric, not like he did. From the day Roy met the boy with fire in his eyes, who was determined to help his brother no matter what, he saw a spark he hadn’t seen in anyone else. He saw someone who was strong enough to face the world and everything it had to throw against him.

He didn’t see the kid who had been taken down by a single bullet. Despite everything, that’s all he’d be known for now.

Roy watched as the final shovel of dirt was placed, evening out the ground. He watched as the headstone was placed nearby, directly next to the one titled “Trisha Elric.”

He waited for the guests to clear out, and stood behind as Riza gripped his hand in hers.

Most didn’t take long in paying their respects; some only left flowers. It was nearing sunset by the time Roy and Riza were alone. Al was still there, sitting without a word. He couldn’t sleep, and was probably waiting for nightfall so he could spend it alone with his brother.

Roy walked up by himself. He didn’t know what he was going to say, but he needed the time alone.

“Hey, Fullmetal.” He muttered, staring down at the gravestone. “Promoted two whole ranks, huh? Looks like you finally beat my record for the youngest person to reach Colonel.”

The wind began to blow, causing Roy’s neatly gelled hair to fall in front of his eyes. “You could just never stay out of trouble, could you?” He sighed, crouching to his knees so he’d be eye level with the stone. “I’m going to do what you asked me, I promise. I’ll watch over Alphonse the best that I can, so you don’t need to worry. I’ll admit, I know next to nothing about how to do this, but I won’t fail again. I won’t fail like I did with you. I’ll protect him and make sure the same thing doesn’t happen, even if it kills me.”

He stood up as Riza neared from behind, putting a hand on his shoulder.

Roy looked back at the gravestone. Fifteen years, that’s all he got. Just like the lives Roy had ripped away from others with his flames, he was gone too soon.

“We really are horrible creatures, aren’t we? Alchemists, military, all of us. We’re responsible for so much death; so much destruction. Fullmetal never wanted to use those things against others. He was the only one among us with good intentions, and yet he still had to die.”

“Are you all right?” Riza asked, already knowing the answer.

“Fine,” Roy replied, placing his hat back on his head. “Except, it’s a terrible day for rain.”

“What do you mean? It’s not raining…” Riza trailed off when she noticed the tear sliding down his cheek.

Just like on rainy days, Roy was useless. Completely and utterly useless. He couldn’t save those in Ishval, and he couldn’t save Fullmetal.

“Yes, it is.”

Riza understood, finally, and gripped his shoulder tighter. She must’ve felt responsible, too.

“We should head back. It’s getting cold.”

 

* * *

 

Roy continued to stare at the letter on his desk. It haunted him; Ed’s last words hidden and concealed inside nothing but an envelope.

Frankly, he hadn’t even remembered receiving it. After waking up on the floor of his office with a pounding head, it had been more than shocking to see a letter addressed to  _him_  in Fullmetal’s handwriting. The reason it had been made was what had been plaguing Roy for days.

The boy had wanted, no, felt the  _need_  to write a will, along with letters addressed to all those that were closest to him. The fact that someone so young had been thinking he was going to die, and prepared for it, was the most heartbreaking factor of it all.

Al had informed him that the documents were alchemically sealed in Ed’s suitcase, no doubt saved for after his death. Sure, it was mandatory to make a will after enlisting in the military, but Ed had gone above and beyond that regulation just so he’d be prepared for the inevitable. Had he really been thinking he wouldn’t be able to live a full life? Did he think he’d fail all along, or give himself up in order to save Al?

Roy had no clue what went on in Ed’s head, but whatever it was must’ve been torturing him for years. He could already predict what had been written in the other letters. For Winry, an unspoken declaration of love and appreciation. For Alphonse, a million apologies crammed into one. For as little as Roy truly knew about Ed, and the person he used to be, his actions towards those closest to him were foreseeable.

As for his own letter, Roy had no clue. If he had known what Fullmetal had been doing, he wouldn’t have expected one at all. He knew the boy loathed him,  _hated_  him, most likely. He knew Ed trusted him though, at least enough to ask that he take care of Al. For as many times as they teased each other, Roy could see the respect hidden in his eyes. It was small, and he knew the kid still disliked him, but it was enough for him to know that he wasn’t doing  _everything_  wrong.

Ever since the funeral his office was quiet. He expected his door to be kicked down any day now, and for Fullmetal to scream his head off as Roy told him off about ruining public property. That had been so normal that now an ordinary work day just felt  _wrong._

There were other changes, too. Alphonse was living with him now, because there was  _no way_  Roy would have left him alone. He’d taken over Ed’s research and used his military position to his advantage, still giving Al the materials he needed to get back to normal.

The goal didn’t feel as hopeful as it had before, though. Roy could see Al losing faith, not even caring about his own fate. His body wasn’t worth Ed’s life, yet he still kept trying because he  _knew_  Ed wouldn’t have wanted him to give up. Roy admired the strength Al had to keep moving on, and he was determined to help him in any way he could. The only condition was that Al was  _forbidden_ from enlisting in the military. He was still one of the greatest minds alchemy had, but Roy would do anything to prevent Al from getting hurt too. He’d use every mistake he’d made over the past four years to assure that he wouldn’t make them again.

Riza helped him too, and Roy was more than thankful. She was much better with kids than he was, and Al almost looked up to her like a mother. They all worked to tone down the grief, and somehow, they had kept moving forward.

Time passed, and on a quiet spring day Roy finally mustered up the nerve to look at the letter again.

The envelope was bent, like it had been closed and opened over and over. It looked as if it had been crushed, yet Roy held onto it like a fragile artifact. Whatever was inside must’ve been important, and he couldn’t deny Ed’s words any longer. He had to know.

Roy carefully peeled away the flap, and was surprised to see that the papers inside had been neatly folded instead of shoved inside. They were crinkled and worn, but the words written were still legible. Roy noticed from first glance that the second half contrasted the first. The handwriting was more rushed and desperate, and if he squinted it almost looked like the ink had ran in places.

He looked away and held his breath. Whatever was inside, that would be what Fullmetal had truly thought about him. Would he blame him and resent him for not doing enough? Would he curse Roy out for having him join the military in the first place? Roy would understand if he did. He deserved anything Ed would have to tell him, and that would be that.

Roy shut his eyes tightly and opened them again. As much as it still hurt to have lost the boy he had begun to care about like family, he knew he had to read it. Even if Ed didn’t feel the same, at least he’d know.

Roy unfolded the papers again and read from the beginning. And then he read it again. And again. He wasn’t even aware of the tear droplets smearing the ink. He just continued to read.

Roy read, and for the first time in weeks, he smiled.

 

* * *

 

_Mustang,_

_I thought a lot about if I would write this letter or not. For one, you’re an asshole. More than that, though, I’m just not really sure about what to say. It’s easy with Al and Winry, they know me enough that I barely have to write anything and they’ll get the message. For you… there’s a lot I haven’t said. Hopefully you won’t even need to read this letter in the first place, but just in case I won’t be able to say this to your face, I thought it’d be important._

_I know how to get Al’s body back. I have for a long time, actually. Pretty crazy, right? Doing it would kill me, but who knows? Maybe I managed it and that’s why you’re reading this in the first place. If I didn’t, then you’re the next in line. As much as I hate to say it, with as much of a bastard as you are, you’re the only one I can trust to bring him back. I see the way he talks to you, and I’m not an idiot. He looks up to you, and as much as I hate to say it, I do too. (I really hope you won’t have to read this)._

_When you offered me a job in the military, I finally had a reason to keep going. You saved my life that day, whether you know it or not. Sure, you were a dick, but finally I had hope and a purpose. Al did too, and I know he was glad to have somebody other than me to care for him. We’ve relied on each other for years, but sometimes it just got to be too much, you know? We didn’t have any parents, or anyone for the matter. Nobody except each other. If I’m telling the truth, I didn’t trust you a bit in the beginning. I thought you would take him away or send me to another commanding officer the moment I screwed up. Over time, though, you actually seemed to_ care _about us. It’s weird, because suddenly the asshole with a god-complex was checking to see if we were okay. I can’t thank you enough for that. For once, I didn’t have to be the strong one. I had somebody there for_ me, _and just knowing that someone out there cares about me is enough to keep me moving forward. Even if I never admit it out loud, because I’d probably rather stick my head in a pot of hot oil, you’ve helped us more than you can imagine._

 _If you’re reading this it means I died. I failed. I broke my promise to my little brother and everything I’ve worked for this far has been for nothing. That’s why I need you. I need you to watch over him and protect him. Give him the father he’s never had. He’ll be lost without me, Mustang, I know it. He’ll want to give up and he won’t care about himself any more. Whatever you do, DON’T LET HIM. Okay? Do whatever it takes. Make him happy, do normal family shit that I know nothing about, do_ something.  _Get him his body back since I never could, and give him the life he deserves. That’s all I’ve ever cared about anyway. If I die knowing that you’ll be there to give him his happiness back, it’ll all have been worth it._

_I trust you, I trust Hawkeye, and Hughes, and the rest of the team. I know all of you won’t let him be alone. I’m sorry for screwing up, I really am. I’m sorry I couldn’t have done more, or have been brave enough to tell you all of this in person. I’m sorry for the guilt you’ll probably feel. It’s not your damn fault, it’s nobody’s but my own. Just take care of my little brother. Please. I know you’ll do well, because you’ve already given us more than we could ever have hoped for._

_Thanks for everything, bastard._

_\- Ed_


End file.
